why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
