you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
