I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Randomize
