This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
