Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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