I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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