the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
