i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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