drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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