Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
