Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
