Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize
