He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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