I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
