Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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