I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
