Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
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I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
You took a bar mat shot.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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