took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
