i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
