Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
