i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
