How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
