I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
