I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
