Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
