She is in my trunk
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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