O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
