She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
