question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
