right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
