I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
