the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
