I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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