Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
