Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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