I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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