her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
