Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize