sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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