The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Just high enough for therapy.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
