How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I look better un-naked...
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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