he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
