the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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