I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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