wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
