eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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