Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
