nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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