'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
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If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
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I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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