Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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