beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
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I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
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Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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