dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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