I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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