No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
