yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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