We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
