He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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