there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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