her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
