Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
