this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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