He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
