If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
