Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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