I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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