I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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