I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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