I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
