I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
