I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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