so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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