alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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