i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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