nutella sex= disaster
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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