Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
