I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
